Personality Tests and Affirmation Solicitations

Here's my score from the Myers-Briggs test: ISFJ

• Introvert 78%
• Sensing 50%
• Feeling 75%
• Judging 33%

In case you're wondering which Harry Potter character my results align with, apparently I'm Neville Longbottom. Not my ideal, but the description definitely fits.

Accurate Descriptions of Me:

"Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however,  to run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO[significant other] into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem."

I think that this accurately describes me and my inner workings with people. I can identify with what was said quite easily, which surprised me, in all honesty.

"While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want."

This also accurately describes me. I have been told numerous times that my "work ethic" is great, and I find the part about how family is everything to be completely true. The part about getting embarrassed easily is true too, though I don't always tell the truth about that when people ask me if I get embarrassed by certain things. The last sentence that talks about taking trouble for their loved ones is true too: many a time I have gotten someone something as a gift that was something I thought they should want, rather than what they actually wanted.


Affirmation Solicitations:

I'm not going to post who gave me this one, but a few of you might be able to guess anyway.

5 Words:
Musical
Willing to adapt to a situation (couldn't find the right word)
Trustworthy
Caring (including tough love when necessary!)
Persistent, even in frustrating situations

Paragraph: (they wrote it knowing I'd read it, so it's addressed to me)

"See above--apply to band." For your application, think over all the situations you've dealt with in band-- class size and its challenges over the years, trombone, boys, siblings, timing-- and you're still doing well and have continually improved. It took the above traits to get there!

I know that this was not the most conventional response I could have gotten, but it really means a lot to me. So...yeah...here it is. :)

Vices

My favorite (well, perhaps I mean most applicable) quote, from "The Great Sin"

In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that -- and, therefore, you know yourself as nothing in comparison -- you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud, you cannot know God.  A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you. (pg 124)

This quote really struck me as something that really should be considered logical, even obvious, yet it was something I hadn't pondered before. I have a nasty habit of trying to do things myself. From a young age, I have gauged my self-worth by the extent of what I could do myself. It started out simply: I was always at least a year ahead of my class in elementary school (this was back in public school), for lack of challenge within my own grade level, and I began to believe that I was smarter than everyone else. I took pride in the fact that I was the only fourth grader in a sixth grade reading class, and while I did have a right to be proud of myself, I took that pride too far. I remember the drama I would get into in middle school, and I remember thinking that it wasn't my fault that someone stopped being my friend. In some cases, that was true, but as I look back on those years, I realize that it was my pride that chased the people I called my friends away. I realize that my prideful tendency caused me to treat people as underlings, constantly reminding them of their position below me, in order to remind myself that I was worth something. I would try to force my way of thinking on others, believing that I was always right and that they were always wrong, somehow. Yet I was never right, because I created an even bigger void than was previously there.

Even now I struggle with this. There have been times that I will get into an argument with someone, over even the minutest of subjects, and I will find myself looking for things about them that are lacking, looking for some way to justify myself above them, because I felt inadequate in that moment. This is where God found me a few years ago. Something He has been teaching me, and in the words of my mother, is that "your brother is your brother. Let him be your brother, because you are different, and not meant to compete with each other." When I read Lewis' quote, it made me think of the times that I have wondered where God is when I can't find anyone else. It made me realize that I was "looking down" at all the friends who wanted nothing to do with my pride issues instead of looking up at the one who could fix me. Someone bigger than my proud vices.

My Life as an Analogy: Burnt Banana Bread

My life is a lot like a banana bread recipe read over and over, yet it never quite comes out the same as the last time you attempted to bake it. I grab the book, gather my ingredients on one side of the counter, and my bowls and measuring cups on the other. I read the recipe, and proceed to smash the bananas as it directs me, then adding in the butter, and suddenly I find myself looking at the cookbook only to measure my ingredients. There is no longer any particular order to what I throw into the bowl on the counter. I have made this particular recipe so many times, I begin to improvise a little, throwing in a dash of nutmeg, and using applesauce to compensate for the lacking size of my pile of bananas. I have no promise of the bread turning out the way I want it to, but I still put it in the oven, hoping I managed to remember all the ingredients and that nothing will explode. Most days it comes out fine, but each loaf is different from another. Other days, I forget to take it out of the oven and am left with something inedible. 

God gave me the recipe for my life, or at least part of it. I always start out smashing the bananas before pouring in the butter, but at some point, I always deviate from his instructions. I've done this so many times, I know where each part ought to go, but I always want to put my own spin on it. I use different spices and tactics with the people I meet, trying to see what it takes to really become friends with someone, when all along, the best banana bread comes from following the recipe exactly. Better to follow God's plan the first time than to live a life of trial and error.

Rewriting "Litany" by Billy Collins

You are the pen and the paper,

the inkwell and the ink.

You are the song on the radio

and the thumping beat of the speakers.

You are the black eyeliner of the teenage girl,

and the earbuds suddenly yanked from her ears.

However, you are not the writing on the page,

the scuff marks on the floor,

or the posters on the walls.

And you are certainly not the soles of her shoes.

There is just no way you're the soles of her shoes.

It is possible that you are the slide cream in the case,

maybe even the mouthpiece at her lips,

but you are not even close

to being the sheet music when she plays.

And a quick look in the mirror will show

that you are neither the book on the shelf

nor the backpack slouching on the ground.

It might interest you to know,

speaking of the prolific scenery of this world,

that I am the smell of homemade cookies.

I also happen to be the blue moon,

the sound of the bell after a long day

and the box of donuts in the car.

I am also the early morning mist

and the unoccupied parking spot.

But don't worry, I'm not the pen and the paper.

You are still the pen and the paper.

You will always be the pen and the paper,

not to mention the inkwell and-- somehow-- the ink.